He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
