Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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