Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
