Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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