were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
