I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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