just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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