Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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