My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
