all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
