I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
