Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
