I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
