i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
