If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
