So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
