I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
