Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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