I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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