FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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