so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
