A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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