the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
