Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
