The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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