i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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