i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
