He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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