Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
