At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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