i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
