I faked an abortion last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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