ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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