dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
