I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She announced her abortion via fbk
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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