bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
smell my finger.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
