capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
