I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
