I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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