if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
