My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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