my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
