I think im going to throw up on grandma
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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