I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
