I must be too annoying 4 u.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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