So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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