Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
