i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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