Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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