my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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