He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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