I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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