I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
