we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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