Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
