I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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