I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
