Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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