So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
