So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize