I think i peed on brittanys purse
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
