We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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