He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
