So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
