So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
